people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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