You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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