My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
