Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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