my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
