if i died would you start the facebook group?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize