shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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