If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
