Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
