the condom got lost in my hair
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
