seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
