Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
