Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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