pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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