I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
They took my balls.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
