We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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