I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
