my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
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