I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
