There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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