I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
