That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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