I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
