I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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