So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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