My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
operation harelip BJ is a go
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
