First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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