We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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