i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
