But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
