no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
