I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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