If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
