come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
