NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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