just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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