tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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