i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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