I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Pants are for mortals
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
