i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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