HIV tests are more positive than that guy
she was so not down for the gang bang
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
