half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
