Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize