I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
