I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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