i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You may now shotgun with the bride
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
