Me too!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
MIDGETS
????
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
