Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize