We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize