They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
