I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I will pee on everything he values.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
