Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
