are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
