The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
