I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
