Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
