Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize