he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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