if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
