New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
