i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
