I can text with my tongue
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
