you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
