i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
