her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
