these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
