You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just saw a hot homeless man
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
