Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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