Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
