the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
